Instinctual Motherhood | March 31, 2025
When Your Village Isn’t There: Navigating Motherhood Without the Support You Expected
You get pregnant, and suddenly, everyone is thrilled for you. They show up to your baby shower, bring gifts, and tell you how excited they are. But then… silence. The baby arrives, and the support you thought you’d have? Nowhere to be found.
If you’re feeling this way, you are not alone. So many moms expect a strong motherhood village, only to realize the support they counted on isn’t there. But here’s the truth—you don’t have to stay stuck in that disappointment. In today’s episode, we’re unpacking why friendships change after becoming a mom, how to process the hurt when people don’t show up, and, most importantly, how to build your own motherhood village.
In this episode, we’re unpacking:
Why friendships change so much after becoming a mom
How to process the disappointment when people don’t show up like you expected
Actionable steps to build the village you need and deserve
Why Friendships Change After Motherhood
Ever wonder why this happens? Here’s the reality:
✨ You Become a New Version of Yourself – Motherhood shifts your priorities and perspectives, sometimes creating distance in friendships.
✨ They Don’t Know How to Show Up – Friends without kids may not realize what you need or assume you have it all handled.
✨ Modern Culture Teaches Us to Do It Alone – Unlike past generations, we don’t always have built-in family support nearby.
✨ Cultural Differences in Support – Some cultures embrace communal child-rearing, while others view asking for help as a weakness.
Processing the Disappointment
It’s okay to feel hurt, frustrated, or even abandoned. Those feelings are real. But the key is not staying stuck in them.
Shift your mindset: Stop expecting people to show up for you the way you show up for them. You can’t control how others prioritize their time, but you can control how you respond.
In the words of Mel Robbins—LET THEM.
Let them prioritize what they want.
Let them be who they are.
But most importantly… focus on LET ME.
LET ME focus on who is showing up. Instead of draining energy on the ones who aren’t, pour into the people who are there. Prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendships.
How to Build Your Own Motherhood Village
Feeling disappointed is valid—but let’s turn that energy into action. Here’s how you can start building your own support system:
💡 Start With What You Have – Reach out to neighbors, coworkers, or reconnect with old friends in the same season of life.
💡 Tap Into Local Resources – Check out postpartum mom groups, library storytime, church groups, or community centers.
💡 Join a Stroller Walk Club or Mommy & Me Class – Meet other moms while also taking care of yourself.
💡 Find Support Online – Facebook groups, online forums, and virtual mom communities can provide real encouragement.
The 3 Mom Friends You Need
Try to build a well-rounded support system with these three types of mom friends:
👩🦰 A Mom Slightly Ahead of You – Someone who can offer guidance and insight on what’s next.
👩 A Mom in the Same Season as You – Someone who truly gets what you’re going through.
👩🦱 A Mom Slightly Behind You – Someone you can support, reminding yourself how far you’ve come.
Mindset Shifts for Building Your Village
Your motherhood village might not look how you originally imagined—and that’s okay.
Release expectations: Social media can make it seem like everyone has a massive support system, but that’s not reality for many moms. If your village feels small, that’s normal. And if you want to grow it, there are ways to do that.
💡 Remember: Just like you need a village, another mom out there does too. Being part of her village might create an unexpected connection.
Take Action: Build Your Village Today
Motherhood isn’t meant to be done alone. If your village didn’t show up the way you expected, that doesn’t mean you have to go through this season without support. You deserve a community that lifts you up.
💛 Take one small step this week:
Send a text to an old friend.
Search Facebook for a mom group.
Introduce yourself to a neighbor.
Finally sign up for that mommy & me class you’ve been thinking about.
✨ Before you go, send me a DM on Instagram @instinctual_motherhood with the step you took—I want to celebrate this win with you!
Resources Mentioned in Today's Episode
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🔗 Connect with me on Instagram → @instinctual_motherhoodIf you loved this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mom who needs to hear this. 💛